As Bryson is about to turn two years old in just a matter of days, I have naturally been reflecting back on the early days quite a bit. In fact, his EDD was TODAY, November 12, two years ago. But, we patiently and also very impatiently waited 11 days (!!!!!!) until November 23 for him to join us. What a memorable day in so many respects! Adrian’s mom, my mom, and my sister were all with us on that day because his birthday happened to fall on Thanksgiving day that year. Feasting on Thanksgiving food post-delivery was quite perfect. I could play back so many little details from that day in terms of the morning workout with Adrian, texting my sister that her dog, Audrey, would have to wear the Thanksgiving outfit I picked out for our kid as he or she still hadn’t arrived, the peaceful drive down to the hospital in Adrian’s truck (yes, that was a joke), and then within minutes of arriving – GO TIME!
When I paused to sit down and write this morning, my plan was not to recall the day of Bryson’s birth as I was just about to in more detail…
I was thinking back to when Adrian’s mom told us early on that we had to stretch him.
WHAT?!
She insisted that we had to stretch him and lather him up with baby oil.
She was on to something…
Not the baby oil part…
Despite initially thinking that comment was a little kooky, Grandma Angela shared a very valuable suggestion. We still stretch baby Carson to this day as he approaches 6 1/2 months, but stretching Bryson isn’t in the cards anymore. Plus, he’s a toddler now, and barely lets us lay him down long enough to change his diaper.
Regardless, the point of all of this…
Grandma Angela was right.
I had never heard about ‘baby stretching’ and I remember instantly feeling very defensive when she shared that. I should have known that. Why didn’t I know that?!? Hmm… well you didn’t attend any of the baby classes, you insisted on not reading a lot on the topic of babies and early days of parenting, and you are off social media… Perhaps that has something to do with it?! Come on, Izzy!
Mind you, it wasn’t really a kind, gentle suggestion but more of ‘you have to do this’, and that is part of why I got so defensive, as I believe in the power of language & her delivery could have been a tad bit smoother… This is not a jab at Angela either. Stay with me here.
Again, the point is…
Land the plane, Izzy, as Adrian would say…
I DIDN’T KNOW ANY BETTER!
There, that’s it!
I was a total novice at caring for a newborn baby. We both were. We didn’t know anything but how to love Bryson which one could argue comes naturally to most parents and as we all know, it’s instantly unconditional for most parents too, EVEN WHEN they cry and cry and cry and you want to cry so much because they won’t stop crying.
Pregnancy with Bryson, first months with baby Bryson, first months with Bryson & now Carson, IT’S ALL SO NEW. It still feels SO new! I am still a complete novice! I am learning something new every single day. I am baby stepping my way through this whole parenting thing…
Yes, I feel way more confident than before.
Yes, I feel like I am actually doing a pretty decent job.
But, keeping a baby alive, and then progressing into more of that true parenting role, is a complete and utter mind f*** and absolute whirlwind. Empowering, exhausting, joyful, sad, fun, lonely, and everything in between. High high’s and low low’s for sure! SO many of them! Emotional rollercoaster to the extreme!!! The best thing ever yet the hardest thing ever!
I have written about the intense pressure I have been putting on myself since a very young age. That hasn’t gone away. It’s more manageable of course, and I rely on Adrian, therapy, journaling, reading, etc, to help me manage, but wow – I just want to ‘get it right’, ‘I can’t mess them up’, ‘they need to always know and feel how much I love them’, and I could go on and on…
Let go of the control, Izzy…
Control is an addiction.
ENJOY YOUR TIME WITH THE BOYS!
Just BE with them!
I look back to the early days with Bryson…
I was going through SUCH a massive transformation in countless ways really – relatively new relationship with Adrian (we went on our first date in May of the year prior), moving in with Adrian (first time living together) in April of the year Bryson was born, living in a proper house, our HOME, when all I was used to was hopping around to various apartment buildings throughout all of my 20’s, just a lot…
The massive transformation was me adapting to all of these big life changes at a very rapid pace. We pulled it off. We did it! We’ve stayed strong and connected through it all, and of course our love has only grown deeper by ten fold.
Recent podcast, probably Modern Wisdom, shared something like this ~ relationships, specifically marriages, are truly tested during the very challenging moments. We can see a couple that seem ‘so good together’, they’re best friends, they always do a ton of fun things together, etc, but the true test of a strong relationship that will last – how well does the couple cope as a team during the really hard moments. Not a novel idea, but I really loved hearing this, yet again. It has felt very hard sometimes! Very hard! But, Adrian and I continue to baby step our way through this whole game of life… our partnership first and foremost, raising our two boys together, caring for our beautiful home and our incredible dog, Tank. Gosh we hit the jackpot with T!
A couple of quick thoughts before I lose them…
- Jocko’s GOOD video is SOOOO good! Find it and watch it. For example, Bryson decides to skip a nap today – GOOD – we now have the opportunity to see how well we can entertain and care for an overtired toddler… It’s all about perspective!!! I am constantly reminding myself of this – CHANGE THE PERSPECTIVE! How can I see this particular moment and situation differently?Is the way I am currently viewing this serving me?
- Again, I have written this before, the concept of there is ‘ no original thought’ – how much of what I am writing out right now is my own original thinking? I am constantly reading, listening, and absorbing other’s words – likely Ryan Holiday, Chris Williamson, Eckhart Tolle, former therapist, etc.. quite an eclectic mix eh! I believe I am trying to soak up all of this input – KNOWLEDGE IS POWER after all – and slowly but surely apply all of this to my life in a positive, meaningful way – to do some good for myself and others – to be good, to be better than who I was yesterday…
- I took Carson to the beach yesterday morning. I used to love taking Bryson for sunrise hangs by the beach in his early days, and I feel like I’ve limited myself from going with Carson because he’s not the biggest fan of car rides although he is doing WAY better now, phew! Anyway, I took Carson to the beach and the timing was just flawless. He hung for the 20-25 min drive over, I put him in the carrier, and BUNDLED us both up (woke up to 40 degree weather here in PSL), and within 15 minutes of arriving – baby Carson drifted off with the sounds of waves crashing in the background – dreamy eh! I got to walk for over an hour while he happily napped and I happily worked my calfs on the uneven sand. IT WAS GLORIOUS! No input. Just me & the big, beautiful, abundant beach & ocean. I just walked and walked and let my mind wander… I could go on and on sharing about that stunning morning beach walk, but I’ll leave it for now.
- Children & the volume of toys
- Allowing children to feel boredom – how about allowing us, adults, to feel boredom?!
- Telling myself I can’t cook, bake, get creative with arts & crafts, etc… LIMITING BELIEF OF THE PAST! I would NEVER have imagined this, but I happen to really enjoy cooking, baking, and thinking of creative things to do with all of the seashells I’ve collected… I CAN DO ANYTHING I WANT TO DO! We all can! Just because I have been in the field of education for over 10 years and I am obsessed with dipthongs – doesn’t mean that I can’t also pursue photography as a future profession, or work in hospitality – or event planning – or public speaking – or fitness – or …. ANYTHING IS POSSIBLE! I don’t want to hold on to who I have been for these past 33 years… If I held on to who I HAVE been – then I would never have moved forward with the notion of moving into a house with Adrian, getting married, having kids together (getting pregnant within a year of our first date), etc… I NEEDED TO GET OUT OF MY OWN WAY!!! (Definitely was quoted in the Ted Lasso episode we watched yesterday!) I am constantly evolving. I am not who I was yesterday.
Let’s bring it back full circle…
Looking back at the early days of baby Bryson…
I was defensive. I was emotional. I was worried. I was stressed. I was confused. I was not able to keep up with all of the many changes that I was going through as an individual, as a new mom, as a new wife. It was just a lot all at once! I wouldn’t go back and do ANYTHING differently though! I believe in ‘this was all part of my path’… Adrian and I were tested in countless ways because we could handle it. We did handle it. We persevered as individuals and as a couple. As a team. We’re with each other because we’re meant to be with each other. He’s my home. He’s my biggest comfort. My greatest love. My biggest fan. My best friend. My biggest pain. My greatest annoyance. He’s all of it. He’s everything! I don’t always like him. I always love him. I would most definitely do a lot of things differently than he does, and I bet he’d say the same back to me. AND THAT’S OKAY! I am finally realizing that THAT IS OKAY! We are different! I want to consider to respect our individual differences and focus on how well we complement each other as parents. Our love for our family is mutual. Our complete focus, drive, and passion to raise our boys with as much of our attention, devotion, and care as possible – is mutual. We’re all in! Almost to a fault. I do believe we both need to probably step away sometimes to just be “Izzy” and just be “Adrian”. It’s all a test, right babe? This is a test. Life is one big test. (Thank you, Jocko!)
I didn’t know any better when I was a brand new mom to an infant.
I was learning. I am still learning.
I questioned Angela’s comment to stretch Bryson so much.
She was right!
Stretching a baby is AWESOME for so many reasons!
I don’t know everything. I don’t know a lot in fact. I want to know everything. But, I don’t. Lean on others for help, Izzy. Ask questions! Ask WHY!!!
Angela says “you need to stretch him” – maybe if I had left my ego at the door and paused to ask her “why?” – the whole conversation and situation would have gone differently…
Of course it would have.
I came at the comment with my ego and judgement. I should have come at it with curiosity. Given myself a chance to understand her point of view…
We are all different.
We all come to this game of life with our own unique perspectives, beliefs, past experiences, future goals, likes, dislikes, etc.
EMPATHY FOR ALL!
It’s okay that I didn’t know any better. It’s okay to be NEW at something. It’s okay to be out of your comfort zone. It’s okay to want to just try to figure some stuff out on your own. It’s okay to ask questions. To ask why. To get curious. It’s okay to be vulnerable. It’s okay to wish you had said something differently or acted differently. LEARNING OPPORTUNITY! Good! Lesson!!! It’s okay to ask myself from time to time “why am I feeling this way?” Check in with myself. Out of my head and into my body. Tune in. Check in. Accept and embrace the good and the bad days.
I didn’t want to admit it for so long. I didn’t want to admit that Grandma Angela’s pushy suggestion to stretch Bryson as a baby was so damn right. I didn’t know everything. I don’t know everything. What I do know is that I am trying my best. I want the best for my family, as we all do. That was her way of doing her best – sharing what she so strongly felt was the right thing to do. No right or wrong. Just is. That was her perspective. What she felt was helpful for her son when he was a baby.
On that note…
I’m going to go find the chunky boy and give him a nice big STRETCH!
Thank you, Grandma Angela!
I appreciate these humbling moments.
I appreciate the opportunity to reflect on myself and my experiences through my writing.
I am learning so much through the process.
On the quest to understand myself better!!!
One baby step at a time…
With love,
Izzy
♥️
calculatedchaosofthemind 