We just put Bryson to sleep. We just paused for a moment to take a seat on our couch and put our feet up before we start the final clean up of dishes from the meal prepping. We just took a breath…
I was about to start taking some notes in my “THE START IS NOW” google document that tracks all of my scattered thoughts from over the past few years, and then I realized there is no time like the present. I can just make a post!
Good evening! A beautiful, cloudy, dreary Thursday evening here in Florida. Today was a wonderful day in several respects. A couple of highlights include attending a gym class with Bryson and Adrian, teaching a few reading sessions, playing with Bryson in the rain, ‘cooking’ a bit (that term might be a bit of a stretch, but I technically did make some food), and just quality time with the fam in general. I LOVE QUALITY TIME!!!
I can still vividly recall this one distinct childhood memory… I would write a list of talking points for my dad’s evening check in calls. I was not only organized enough to envision and outline how our phone call would go, but I valued our time on the phone so much that I wanted to ensure there would be no long pauses or just any lulls in the conversation really. I feel I am still learning from this specific memory as I look back and I realize that we didn’t need to always fill every call with updates and chit chat. I embrace silence more and more by the day. I value quality time in several different ways, and I am finally accepting that I do not need to constantly keep the conversation going, and/or keep busy, ALWAYS.
I go back and forth on this term ‘busy’. I kind of resent it some days because I used to feel such frustration towards others who were “too busy” for me. I am sure everyone can relate to this feeling at one point or another, and I really struggled with this, and I probably still do. I can already see that this aversion to ‘business’ for myself and/or others could stir up some difficulties with raising Bryson, as I refuse to let him think I am ever “too busy” for him. I know the feeling on the receiving end, and I can’t possibly be the one to inflict this feeling on him, right?! This is SUCH a complex one as I truly do love spending all of my time with our little man, but I also do have adult responsibilities, and I know that sometimes I really do have to find that balance of getting some stuff done without coming across as I don’t have time to play. Remember, I value quality time in such an extreme way!!! This will be something I continue to think about more… Solution on the way! = )
Some other things I value deeply include curiosity, integrity, kindness, and openness. I would like to check in on how I am adhering to my core values in my day to day. I am so curious by how the values that Adrian and I strive to adhere to will pass along to Bryson and the rest of our family one day… What values will Bryson care most for? Let’s see… I can’t wait to keep learning more and more from him each and every day to come! I have learned so much about myself already. Loving this!
A student for life.
All I can ask of myself is that I show up and do my best.
My best may be different every day.
I would like to practice more compassion and less judgement on others who are so different from me. Seek to understand first.
Start With Why... a GREAT book by Simon Sinek!
Mindset by Carol Dweck.
Sir Ken Robinson was an incredible author, speaker, and educator. His famous Ted Talk entitled “How Schools Kill Creativity” is amazing!!!
I am pausing now. We are approaching 7:30pm, and Adrian & I have committed to pause everything to watch a documentary.
This time – I will press ‘publish’ and I will NOT go back and check through what I wrote and DELETE several sections of what I have written… yes, I did do that this last post. Ah well… you live & you learn!
I also will work hard to not overthink what I wrote, and I will work hard to not race to get the rest of my thoughts down…
No rush.
This is it!
Deep breath.
Goodnight!
With love,
Izzy
calculatedchaosofthemind 