It’s nearly 8am on a Tuesday. It’s overcast today. It is just an ‘ordinary’ morning in the week. However, so much has already happened, and I am choosing to pause everything to sit down and write about it.
I was sitting in the rocking chair in my son’s room. I was holding him and rocking him as he prepared for his very first nap of the day. Quite an early one, but I had a strong feeling that would be the case as he woke up around the time his dad left for work. Bryson has a way of knowing when dad is leaving, and just like me it seems, he doesn’t want to miss a moment. Almost to a fault sometimes… just like me.
This is it!
…I believe I have just been waiting and waiting and waiting for that ‘perfect’ opportunity to come. To feel and fully embrace some stillness. For that to-do list to just dissipate entirely. To feel like I could take a deep breath and exhale loudly. To feel like I had a moment to sit down and write without interruptions. This is it!
What I am realizing is there will ALWAYS be something to do. There will ALWAYS be someone to call back. There will ALWAYS be some exercise to be done. There will ALWAYS be something! At this rate, I will stop prioritizing my wants, needs, and desires forever.
I LOVE my current status of life. I feel such joy almost every single day that I want to bottle it up and find a way to give every single person in this world a bottle of what I have BECAUSE it feels so good to feel this joyful.
I could go on and on about my daily joys and loves. I wish everyone in this world could feel what I feel. I am finally okay with the inevitable ups and downs of life because I now can trust that the low lows ALWAYS lead me back to THIS MOMENT – a high high! (Thank you, Rachel, for introducing me to this beautiful concept of accepting the high highs and low lows of life).
I feel good. I don’t need to feel great. I don’t need to feel like everything is perfect in my life. I don’t need to have it all figured out. I NEED to pause right now and do exactly as I am doing. I put my beautiful son to sleep in his crib in his OWN room (such a big boy!!!) and I popped out to strip my uncomfortable clothes off, change, throw my hair down, grab a blanket, grab my laptop, and before I did ANYTHING ELSE – I came back to Bryson’s room and sat back down in this rocking chair and kicked my legs up to start typing away.
There will never be a ‘perfect’ moment.
This is it!
I am exactly where I need to be.
I am exactly where I need to be physically and mentally. I am in a good place in countless ways, and all I need in this very moment is to sit in this dark room – writing and occasionally glancing up to marvel at the beautiful human being that Adrian and I created – sleeping soundly right in front of me. WE HAVE SO MUCH TO LEARN FROM THIS KID! We have so much to learn period. FULL STOP (I have always loved the way the Brits say that). This is it!
We are students for life. I believe that.
I have so much to learn… as I read back that phrasing ‘I have so much to learn’ – I am not a huge fan of the language. I CAN learn so much. I LOVE learning! I embrace the fact that I will be learning forever – for myself, for the love of my life, Adrian, for my family, and for the whole big wide world around me.
I have 45+ pages of notes compiled to guide me in this writing process that I have been yearning to dive into for quite some time. I don’t need my notes now. My fingers won’t stop typing. I am inspired. I am in such awe of myself, my husband, and my son.
I believe that if we all were to just slow down a little bit more each and every day – our world would be a better place.
I just flashed to a former trip to Belize with Nickola – the slogan on the island was ‘go slow’. SERIOUSLY! We would be walking on the quicker side by someone and they would yell out to us ‘go slow’. We had a whole photoshoot with a ‘go slow’ sign, and here I am now, several years later – remembering, choosing, and insisting I GO SLOW.
This is it!
What am I waiting for?
I feel like I am always waiting for something lately…
Let’s take Bryson for example. I love Adrian’s line – ‘he’s a stud of a kid’. YES! HE SURE IS! … Adrian and I have been happily waiting to witness Bryson crawl for the first time. We assume it’s about to ‘happen’ any day now. We have put zero pressure on this happening. Literally, as I typed that – I thought to myself – that’s a lie. Let me try that again … I believe we have been SO excited to witness all of the various phases of Bryson’s development – physically, mentally, emotionally, etc. We cannot believe what we witness on a daily basis and we feel incredibly joyful to have put ourselves in a position to truly ‘not miss a moment’. Anyway! I suppose our visit to a local music class a few months back had me thinking that Bryson could be crawling by around 6 months or so simply because another mom at that group said that about her kid. Yes, we know EVERY SINGLE LITTLE HUMAN will develop on their own terms and reach their incredibly awesome developmental milestones on their own terms. That is SO cool and great and awesome and I feel we fully respect that notion!
However …
It seems like Bryson has been itching to get moving for QUITE some time and we always chalk it up to how active Adrian and I were throughout the pregnancy, but of course there are several factors at play here. All kids want to move their wiggly bodies! Bryson is clearly ready to keep exploring in other ways besides his eyes and mouth, and WOAH – he is on the move!!!
So, that moment of when Bryson would take his first ‘crawl’…
That moment we were WAITING TO WITNESS and we wanted to ensure that neither of us missed it …
Well, I believe it already happened!
Bryson is on the move!
We haven’t been keeping up with too much in terms of reading and listening to ‘the baby books’, and we haven’t spent too much time with babies in our past, so perhaps we just had a different idea of what ‘it’ would look like…
(Bryson just woke up by the way … his beautiful face is smiling over at me through the crib and I believe he’s trying to tell me “okay, mom, you got your time to write, now come here and play with me, or I will just keeping blowing bubbles at you from afar”).
Time to pause.
THIS IS IT!
With love,
Isabelle
*I am not going to go back through and reread what I wrote in the past 30 minutes. Whatever I wrote and however I wrote it is more than okay. BIG SMILE!!!
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